I am a woman. I am imperfect, biased, flawed, beautiful, difficult, smart, sexy, Christ believing, and Saucy loving. I am tired. I work hard. I push myself to the bone. I don't quit. I bite my finger nails. I don't quit. And neither does God. He made me so extraordinarily unique that there is quite LITERALLY no one else like me. I am special.
I sit at home...alone. Miles is in the sun room, booming from Saucy's massive speakers. I miss him, but tonight, the Sangiovese and me are enjoying NOT having anyone to talk to or interact with. The absence of my voice, Mile's horn, and the roar of the antiquated AC unit fill the air.
Business is good. Not great, but good. I doubt myself. I miss having girlfriends close by. I LOVE/ ADORE my Saucy, but even he can't completely fill the need for good solid female companionship. No man ever can. It's not a knock at them, simply the way God made us. I remember a couple of years ago (while living in NYC) I read the Red Tent and it was about so many things, but I remember most was the comradeship of women in "the Red Tent." The way they built up, unified, and supported each other during a time when women had no voice. Today, of course, we are totally liberated and are equals among our male counterparts...but we still need our "Red Tent" time with other women.
It is so easy to forget that we are, in fact, women. A different sex. We were made and ARE biologically and physiologically different than men and we should celebrate and support one another in that fact.
Reader, DO NOT get me wrong here. I am not preaching that one sex is greater than another. In fact, the opposite. The Psalmist says, that we are "fearfully and wonderfully made." It is true; we are. Each sex was made to complement the other. The old adage "opposites attract" is true. But we are unique, individual creations of God's create and complex imagination. I LOVE that!
I realize that I'm on a rabbit trail a MASS proportions, so let me state this and then I'll get back on track. I LOVE how different my husband is from me and I love discovering all the ways that I need to communicate with him to get my message to him in the way I intend for it to be received....but that's NOT what this blog is about.
I should probably own up to the fact that this blog isn't really about ANYTHING...just me, listening to Miles, drinking wine in a relaxed state that allows me to say EXACTLY what I am truly thinking.
So back to 5 paragraphs ago...Business is good, but not great. I KNOW that I am a good designer. Not great, but good. Good enough to do business and make a living at it. I've come to accept that I'll never have the fame and fortune that a naive 14 year old girl dreamed of one having... but with age comes maturity and I am delighted to say, that I no longer desire those things. I guess maybe in my heart of hearts I've always known that a family was so much more important to me than those things...But I can tell you what my heart has been missing...Girlfriends.
Don't get me wrong...I have some of the worlds greatest girlfriends EVER! But the majority of them live one to 7 states away. A few even further. Tara: California; Halima, Sara, and Kylie: New York City; Heather C: Toronto...etc...you get the idea. I am lonely for female companionship. Some of them have children I've never met! That's ridiculous! BUT... Our God is a good God and He doesn't seek to harm us, He builds us up and gives us what we NEED, when we need it. Marrying my Saucy has given me friends I didn't even imagine I could have; Cheryl, Sara Amber, Beth... to name a few. But still the day to day closeness of a girlfriend is lacking. I miss having my girlfriends.
Please note that this is NOT a pity poor me party, it's a simple statement of where I am. An acknowledgement of the fact that my Saucy cannot provide everything for me. But there is one who can. My God. He can and is my friend. He is more than just my Heavenly Father, my Saviour, my God, He is my BEST friend. He hears my cry and will and has (on the way) that group of women who will lift me up, provide, nurture, sustain, heal, challenge, and LOVE me that way that ONLY women know how to do...
But now my Saucy has walked through the door and I long to hear about his day...
Thank you my dear readers for hearing my heart (as always)...
- Bree Shannon Tuttle
- Hello. I'm Bree Tuttle, owner of You in Mind Designs, LLC. I've been a designer for 13 years and I work with you in mind. There's much joy in discovering those treasures in your home that are, perhaps, misplaced or even in the attic. I will help you making every room a reflection of who you are personally. It's my philosophy that if you feel proud, safe, and at peace in your home, then it will affect all aspects of your life. You stand straighter, walk taller, dress better, work harder, sleep more soundly, and ultimately have a more fulfilling life. If I can help you do that, then I'll consider my job as your designer a success.