Tuesday, November 30, 2010

A voice in silence.

I have had the laryngitis now for 5 days. I cannot speak. It is killing me. But yet I am constantly reminded that there is a purpose to all this silence. It has made me listen. It has allowed me to let others speak. To let their words be heard. The silence of my voice has allowed me to really hear the wind, rain, birds, and leaves falling. It has made me become okay with resting. Being still. Finding ways of communication outside of the spoken word. It has been an interesting experience, and an enlightening one. It has not been without it's frustrations and discouraging cries, but it has been a constant reminder to trust God. He has literally spoken to me and spoken through me to others through my silence. That was a miracle in of itself. A day of disappointment and discouragement and God opened my bible up to James 1:1-12. "Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him. But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does. The brother in humble circumstances ought to take pride in his high position. But the one who is rich should take pride in his low position, because he will pass away like a wild flower. For the sun rises with scorching heat and withers the plant; its blossom falls and its beauty is destroyed. In the same way, the rich man will fade away even while he goes about his business. Blessed is the man who perseveres under trial, because when he has stood the test, he will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him." It was this passage that I passed along to a friend (in the form of a text message of course)... unbeknownst to me that he needed to hear those more than I. In my silence, God used me to minister to him. I was humbled by this experience. God used me in my doubt and discouraged heart to bless another. I gave thanks to Him. Now I find myself struggling again. I have an audition tomorrow. A performance on Friday and no voice with which to do either. I feel my doubt and fears creeping up on me. They whisper negative barbs in my ear and tell me that I am doomed and my career is over. Oh Lord help me now I pray. Send someone to minister to me. I am in dire straights. Restore me... Lift me up... Do not tear from me my hopes and dreams and dash them before me. Give me faith.

Wednesday, November 24, 2010

It's all about perspective isn't it?

I sit and listen to the ageless piano sounds of George Winston. His December album is a must listen to. I turn it on at the beginning of every holiday season. Since tomorrow will be Thanksgiving, I deem it necessary that I write about all that I have to be thankful. To quote Laura Ingalls Wilder: "At long last I am beginning to learn that it is the simple things of life that make living worthwhile, the sweet fundamental things such as love and duty, work and rest, and living close to nature." It is indeed the simple things in life that matter. That mean something. I am learning to slow down and take in all that my life has to offer. To "breath deep and suck out all the marrow of life."
So with that reflection in hand I say this: I am thankful for God's eternal and unfailing grace. His boundless and countless mercy. The ability to fall down, and then to accept His hand and get back up again. Just like a child that learns to walk. That child takes his first step. He wobbles, he sways, he counters his balance and then just when he thinks he's got it, he falls to the ground. So am I like that child; wobbling, swaying, and balancing through life. But just like that child, I have a parent that comes to my side and picks me up, brushes me off, and sets me on my feet again. Only my parent is my God. Yaweh. The Great I Am. The Creator of all things and namely the author of my salvation. It is that truth, that I have everything to be grateful for.
My Papa reminds me that I GET to work, not that I have to work. It is all about perspective isn't it? I get to work. I get to perform, I get to play, I get to love, I get to laugh, I get to be God's child. I get to live. Oh for a thousand tongues to sing my great redeemers praise!
I will praise and be thankful for a life full of blessings, renewed relationships, new opportunities, reborn dreams, and a discovery of oneself... found after so many years lost.
I am thankful for all moments in my life, both good and bad. They have shaped me, molded me, delighted me, and defined me.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

Message in a bottle...part 2

The complexities of the night before have faded into the background. Sleep was sound and deep; at the same time restless and tiring. There is a feeling of unfinished business in my sleep, and a reoccurring theme that won't die. Fight... that is the unfinished business that my subconscious won't let go of...Fight until you make it Bree, fight until you have nothing left to fight for, fight until all victories have been won, fight until you are and where you want to be, fight until you die. The word fight means so many different things in the English language, but the ones that stick out in my mind is "to contend with or against in any manner (to fight despair; to fight the passage of a bill) or to carry on or to maintain (a battle, a duel, a cause, a quarrel, etc.)." So that is what I must do. Carry on and maintain; contend with or against in any manner... stay strong Bree, stay strong... the bullies of this world cannot hold you down. They cannot keep you from the course that God has laid out. He will not be thwarted. He will not be pushed aside and He will not be bullied... therefore Bree rest in this:
In the Lord I take refuge.
How then can you say to me;
"Flee like a bird to your mountain.
For look, the wicked bend their bows;
the set their arrows against the strings
to shoot from the shadows
at the upright of heart.
When the foundations are being destroyed,
what can the righteous do?"
The Lord is in his holy temple;
the Lord is on his heavenly throne.
He observes the sons of men;
his eyes examine them.
The Lord examines the righteous,
but the wicked and those who love violence
his soul hates.
On the wicked he will rain
fiery coals and burning sulphur;
a scorching wind will be their lot.
For the Lord is righteous,
he loves justice;
upright men will see his face."
~Psalm 11

Monday, November 1, 2010

Message in a bottle...

I apologize for the delay in my posts as of late. To me it is better to accumulate thoughts, than it is to accumulate words. I want write to you, but only of things that matter. To share my mind, not my chatter. This journey that God has on me, has been so revealing to me of the things that I am, am becoming, and will be. I am beginning to see now how important it is to be me. Sundays sermon was on Psalm 11. The subject: "Fleeing Is Not An Option." What a lesson for me! I've fled in my past. When it got hard... I left. I ran to the next adventure and decided that the one I was on, was over. I've hurt many people in living that way, but most importantly, I've hurt myself. But no longer. I'm learning that the greatest adventure is the one worth seeing through to the end. So here I am, NOT fleeing; staying put; standing strong; and waiting it out...til God reveals that design, that beautifully mastered and indisputable plan for my life. I have to say this, as it has been on my mind all night. I have entered into a state of unrest. Just in the last day or so. I am so longing for something! Something that feels right! My age is catching up with me. I am not the spring chicken that I once was, and for the first time in my life...it is starting to show. I look old. I feel old. I feel slower. I am... I feel my expiration date approaching and the product starting to sour... This makes me sad. Wells of tears fill up the tired blue eyes that once sparkled... I don't feel special and I don't feel like I have anything left to contribute... Step aside Bree, let the newer model in to the job that you are now to old to do... see you in the junkyard. Sorry for the morose entry tonight... but this blog isn't about comforting you, dear reader, this blog is for me to release myself onto the vast anonymous web and let it drift into a sea of other unknown, unread blogs... So float away... get lost... be released... be forgotten.

About Me

My photo
Hello. I'm Bree Tuttle, owner of You in Mind Designs, LLC. I've been a designer for 13 years and I work with you in mind. There's much joy in discovering those treasures in your home that are, perhaps, misplaced or even in the attic. I will help you making every room a reflection of who you are personally. It's my philosophy that if you feel proud, safe, and at peace in your home, then it will affect all aspects of your life. You stand straighter, walk taller, dress better, work harder, sleep more soundly, and ultimately have a more fulfilling life. If I can help you do that, then I'll consider my job as your designer a success.