This is a hard blog for me to write. I achieved something personal this month. I got to check off something off my "must do before I die" list. I'm not gonna lie, it was scary. I actually did something that I said I was gonna do... just...for...me. This wasn't just paying the bills on time, or sending out that thank you note I've been meaning to write, or finally organizing my photo album. Nope. This was something that I accomplished just for me. Now don't get me wrong, all of the above mentioned tasks are good to do and should not be belittled, but I must tell you that every woman has a secret "to do list" of things they want to experience before they die or are to old to do anymore. I didn't realize I had a list until I turned 30 this past June. I didn't freak out as some people might have imagined, I was actually quite calm about becoming 30. For me it was a right of passage; a sense that I had left behind my immature, unstable 20's in exchange for the clarity and wisdom that my 30's would inevitably bring. Dear reader do you see the punch line coming? I hope so. My 30th birthday came and the magical clarity and wisdom that I anticipated did not. But don't be sad for me and my burst bubble. Surprisingly, something wonderful did happen. Nothing. That's right I said nothing.
I had a wonderful birthday. But nothing magical happened and no angels from heaven descended to give the 30 year old rite of passage ceremony. I simply just became 30.
Now, you may think, "where is she going with all this?" Well I'll tell you. It was at this point that I realized that I had a list of things that I wanted to do with my life and I wasn't getting any younger and the list wasn't getting any shorter. The more I thought about it and discussed this revelation with other girlfriends, it occurred to me that I wasn't the only one, I was no different than any other 30 yr old. Except for one thing. Tenacity. I wasn't gonna go through life without checking off a few tasks on my "must do before I die or am to old to do it list."
So this month I was able to check off my first BIG task. I became a fitness model. That's right, a fitness model. I have always wanted to be in the best shape of my life by the time I turned 30 and be in a fitness magazine. And low and behold just after my 30th birthday an acting friend of mine heard me say that I wanted to be a fitness model before I died, and he (being the disciplined personal trainer that he is) recommended me for a Pilate's shoot for Martha Stewart's Body + Soul Magazine. That was it! It happened! I went to Sag Harbor for 2 days, got primped up, pumped up and tuned up for a 5 hour workout session and photo shoot.
I would like to stop here and say one thing. Ladies, it looks easy, but it is NOT. You try holding a shoulder bridge (with your leg shooting straight out at a 90 degree angle) for 30 seconds at a time and see if it doesn't give you a leg cramp too. Oh yeah and they're are like a dozen people watching you and scrutinizing your every angle and look, while eating bagels and doughnuts.
Now back to my story. So I did it and I did a great job, and I was exhausted afterwards, but at least I can say that I did it!
So at the beginning of this very lengthy blog I said that this was hard for me to write... you're thinking why? You had a huge success! And to that I would say, You're right! But it's hard because once you've checked something off your list, you can't go back to being complacent and content with just passing through this life. I can't be happy being complacent and going through this life, knowing that there is a list out there that needs to be checked off. I need follow through and it scares me. Yes I'm scared. Maybe I'm afraid that I'll fail and won't ever check off another thing, or maybe I'm scared that I will.
I have this theory that some people are afraid to fail and some people are afraid to succeed. The older I get the more I fall into the second category. When I was a kid I was afraid to fail and it drove me... not that I'm older and maybe just a little bit more cynical, I believe I'm afraid to succeed because then that means that life continues on and it doesn't matter how old you are, 13 or 30, you must never stop challenging yourself and you must never become so set in your ways that you miss the joy and wonder of learning and discovering.
I read a book about 1-1/2yr ago, called The Artist Way. In it the author, Julia Cameron, quotes Fyodor Dostoyevski (author of Crime and Punishment). He says, "Taking the first step, uttering the first word is what people fear most." How true. How true for me. I know and I've known for quite some time that I need to shake things up and take the first step. Until the article in Body + Soul magazine came out, I didn't think I would need to. But it did, and now I have physical evidence that I need to do as Diane Mariechild said, "Trust that small, small voice that says, 'This might work and I'll try it'."
So now I have you, faceless Internet world to see my confession. To see that I have thrown down the gauntlet. I have a list to check off and a life to experience and I can no longer go through life afraid to succeed.
I get choked up as I write this and panic starts to take over, but there is a small, small voice that says, this might work and I'll try it...
- Bree Shannon Tuttle
- Hello. I'm Bree Tuttle, owner of You in Mind Designs, LLC. I've been a designer for 13 years and I work with you in mind. There's much joy in discovering those treasures in your home that are, perhaps, misplaced or even in the attic. I will help you making every room a reflection of who you are personally. It's my philosophy that if you feel proud, safe, and at peace in your home, then it will affect all aspects of your life. You stand straighter, walk taller, dress better, work harder, sleep more soundly, and ultimately have a more fulfilling life. If I can help you do that, then I'll consider my job as your designer a success.